The Black Abyss
First of all, can I just say, this post has been a long time coming. In fact, this may just be the pinnacle of this shit blog so far, because it is incredibly hard to top something as nasty and disgusting as what I am about to blog about.
Commonly referred to as the ‘black hole’ of Perth, one word: Northbridge.
Yes, Northbridge.
Has that word evoked any feelings of anger, disgust, loathing, repugnance, contempt or revulsion yet?
For those that aren’t accustomed to the ways and wonders of Northbridge, it is a locality in Perth’s city centre containing a strip of clubs, pubs and bars where the common disgusting people go to drink, rave and party it up. I suppose in the daytime it’s not so bad (though you still got your regular weirdos wandering around) but at night, it’s a whole different story.
It’s like walking into a void of despair, particularly past 7 o clock at night, and once you’re in the thick of it, you’ll either be too blindly drunk to notice the vomit on the ground or be too disgusted to leave. Basically, it’s like watching a car crash in slow motion – its horrifyingly revolting but YOU CAN’T LOOK AWAY.
See, in Perth, the “nightlife” consists of these very simple steps:
- Get drunk beforehand.
- Go into Northbridge.
- Get absolutely shitfaced.
- Pass out in the hobo park in the bushes.
If you don’t follow the rules, you’re pretty much guaranteed to get bored in two seconds and want to leave, because you’ll want to forget you EVER stepped foot into the vicinity in the first place. Perhaps that’s why 99% of the people in Northbridge at night are drunk or drugged up. The place is just so gross and so disgusting to look at and be in….getting drunk takes away the pain and the sad fact that people actually think it is a fun place to drink and par-tay.
Maybe I’m just old and boring, and maybe I’m one of those people who’s too good for the clubs and bars and pubs to get drunk on overpriced mixers. Maybe I just don’t know how to have ‘fun’, or maybe I just don’t go to the right places. Or MAYBE I’ve seen all there is to see….and there really is nothing at all.
The problem is, Northbridge is mostly full of unclassy slurries and losers looking for one thing and one thing only, and it gets to the point where you begin to wonder – is there anything more to life in Perth than going to Northbridge, paying entry fees to overrated clubs, buying massively overpriced drinks and dancing to shitty rnb/hip hop/pop? How do people find this fun? Do people not get bored of this the second they step into the black hole? Does Northbridge really make the drunken sluts/idiots that much more appealing? Can people not find anything better to do with their time?!?? (ie. drive to random haunted places)
I don’t understand why people do this to themselves and I don’t understand why Northbridge is just there…wallowing in its own self pity. What’s wrong with just hanging out and catching up with friends? Can people not dance to shitty rnb music at home with their cheaper drinks?! You can’t even talk properly in clubs and once you step into one, its assumed everyone in there is single and looking…which more often than not sparks unprovoked fights and girly boys in v-necks pretending to be all macho and manly.
Don’t get me wrong, Northbridge could be a place full of culture and life and vitality…but instead its just a sprawl of graffiti and vomit and filled with the stench of drugged up loons. It truly is a disgusting place to be in. And once you’ve escaped the pit of unhappiness, you just want to scrub yourself clean with detergent straight after.
I know there are various centers and events in Northbridge which contributes to the overall subculture of Perth, and they are an important part of Perth’s overall ‘heartbeat’ (a slowly beating one nonetheless), but c’mon. With the associations Northbridge has to petty fights over the stupidest of issues, drugged up partying and disgusting behaviour from both genders in these seedy clubs and bars, it’s no wonder people (I) think the place should be razed to the ground and cleansed from the cockroaches that dwell in its hiding places.
Yes, there are boutique bars and fashion shops and specialty restaurants and retailers. This does not discount the fact however, that despite all the people making the effort to change Northbridge into the arts and culture centre of Perth, there are still the majority of individuals who contribute to the overall repulsiveness of Northbridge in general.
I may be somewhat of a hypocrite as I am writing this, as I do go to Northbridge sometimes to hang out and eat, and I do occasionally hit the bars and such to keep my friends company. Cinema Paradiso is in Northbridge, which airs some of the best movies ever, and Utopia is also in the heart of Northbridge, making it a common place to hang out.
As embarrassing as it is to admit though, I was actually in Northbridge last weekend with two of my friends, who I hadn’t seen in AGES, and we all decided to head to the clubs to ‘catch up’. Sure, I can handle going out and being sober in Northbridge, I thought.
Yeah.
I got bored after two seconds. Especially since we went to The Mint (under the Rise – Cam’s favourite 
) which was pretty much weirdo central, before actually going to a restaurant to hang out and chat.
I was designated driver that night too, so no amount of alcohol could take the pain away. Not that I drink much ANYWAY…it is extremely overrated and unnecessarily expensive. It takes a lot of money to buy drinks in Northbridge however, even more so to get drunk there. Sad part is, I know a guy who easily spent around 500 dollars in Northbridge going out basically every day in the uni break and getting ‘maggoted’. Teenagers. ‘Nuff said.
Nevertheless, not touching a drop of alcohol made the disgustingness of Northbridge all the more crystal clear – girls stumbling around the streets in dresses which look more like tops, and drunk guys walking around in packs looking for easy prey.
I don’t know if it was because we were all entirely sober the entire time, or we are just very boring individuals who don’t get out enough because ALL THREE OF US got bored pretty quick…and it hadn’t even hit midnight. Hell, we were all even constantly checking the time because it felt like we had been there for ages when we had only been there around an hour!
We eventually escaped the place to find a late night restaurant near Timezone where we got the chance to eat and talk and express how boring we are, and how Northbridge is full of weirdos.
You got your guys in v-necks, your bogans, your skanks dressed in pieces of fabric, and then your regular drunks who shout random obscenities, losers getting tased for initiating petty fights, idiots who sing along next to bored buskers, drunk packs of teenage boys going to the local kebab shop for the greasiest, most expensive kebab ever, girls stumbling across the road without looking for cars…and the list goes on. I’m sure most people know what I’m talking about.
I suppose this happens everywhere there is a club, whether it be in Subi or Leederville or anywhere else for that matter. Northbridge is without a doubt, the most disgusting, seediest place you could spend your night out in however. Old Shanghai is in the epicentre of the place, which says it all really!!!
Drunk people generally piss me off most of the time anyway, and if I’m going to be ‘one of those people’ who are annoying because I’m not drunk with the rest of everyone else then…I’m okay with that. I’ve been there, done that, and its gotten to the point where it’s old…its a waste of money…it makes you feel like shit…its unhealthy…and I am completely over it.
Over Northbridge. Over clubbing, over drunk losers who can’t hold their liquor and over lame DJ’s playing preset playlists on their shiny overpriced macbooks.
What else can I say? Northbridge is disgusting and clubbing is lame, pointless, stupid, disgusting, and shit. Utter horse shit in fact.
Nannup FTW.
Freaking EPIC post. I can feel the rage through my PC monitor!
Give me Nannup any day!!
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